Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Pathetic and Overwhelmed
This is how I feel all the time. I am not just saying this to have you say"Oh poor Jenn" I am saying this to get your advice and helpful hints. You would think by the time one has 6 children that that person would have life figured out...NOT! It seems like I am ALWAYS in a hurry and I can never just sit and relax. I am always telling my kids to hurry and I feel bad. The mornings are always stressful and no matter how much laying out of clothes I do the night before we are still in a panic in the last 5 minutes before the bus comes. What is wrong with me? My house is always a mess even though I clean everyday and put stuff away...I don't get it.??? I love being a mother but I feel like my kids could do so much better with someone else that has it all together. What do all of you do because I know all of you have it all together so please share your secrets so my stress level will go down soon and I can enjoy the journey.
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I love this topic! Thanks for the post...I have many ideas. I will send you my morning chart I use (it's also on one of my blogs--50 ways to save time...at the very bottom. I give my kids a candy/treat if they are done with the morning chart/list by 7:20. It took a few weeks to get them on the schedule, every morning I would say did you do the list? I would have them repeat what they did or still have to do until they had the list memorized. I tape the list upstairs and downstairs by the kitchen table and by the front door. Also, maybe your kids need more time to get ready and may have to wake up earlier? Try music playing to wake them up on their own--that helps my kids not be so grumpy. As for cleaning the house....I divided the house into rooms and each child is incharge of a room (upstairs). Megan does her room and the kid bathroom. I also have lists on the back of the bathroom door and I just made a cleaning book so whatever room they are cleaning there is a checklist of what needs to be done and they just follow the checklist. Zach is incharge of his room and the hall, nathan in charge of anything on the stairs, toys downstairs and putting shoes away, cameron is in charge of the loft. Then once they are done with their "first chore" as we call it, they come down and ask what their second chore is and that is whatever I notice needs to be done (downstairs) like clean the table, sweep under the table, dust blinds, dust baseboards, wipe counters, vaccuum....anything! It seriously takes them 15 minutes at the most and the house is much cleaner! We do this everyday and they can't play until they do their 2 chores and then homework. Hope this helps!
One thing that works also if the candy isn't enough motivation....is extra chores. If they don't finish by 7:20 then they have 3 chores after school. The chores seriously only take 5-10 min. each (nothing overly difficult--my oldest is only 8). I do extra chores for punishments and the kids don't like it so they try to follow the rules, so either they are following the rules or my house gets a little cleaner. I love it! I also have a friend who uses popsicle sticks with chores on it and the kids can pick a stick, do the chore and earn a quarter.
Aaah Jen. What you aren't perfect like the rest of us???? Believe me sister, you have it together more than you think. You just worry about what you and your own are doing---and not what you THINK others are doing. You might indeed feel overwhelmed, but if you are pathetic then I might as well quit right now!
You do realize that you have been dealing with a new baby, right? And that the first 6 months is hell, right? AND THAT YOU HAVE SIX KIDS, RIGHT? Definitely come vent on your blog whenever you need to--cuz that definitely helps---but just know that you are doing great!
Hang in there Mama of 6!
I seriously hope that you don't think we have it all together and are perfect. You are a great Mom!Each family has their individual problem areas... We have chaos in the mornings and after school. Reading scriptures in the morning helped us. We need to be more diligent with that. I could NEVER think of adding chores in the morning- Somedays I can barely get them out of bed and dressed and they do go to bed fairly early. Things have calmed down a bit lately. My kids have chores after school that they are responsible for and do not play or watch tv until their chores and homework are finished. They get so excited after they have accomplished their list of "to do's" -This works most days. On those more challenging days...I just wing it and try to get homework done and have them do their chores the next day.
This post has really made me think today. In fact, I read it earlier this morning and spent most of the day deciding what to tell you.
I completely agree with Julie. We are all stressed out and overwhelmed most of the time. Don't let appearances fool you.
But the advice I would give you is to just let it go sometimes and enjoy it, mess and all. Last baby--who cares about mess and chores.
And it might help to sometimes tell people no, you can't help them today or next week. That's a hard skill to learn, but it really helps your mental state later!
Keep at it!
Before you know it, Erika will be like Heidi, graduating from high school and leaving you. So love having them all together right now.
It's over before you know it.
I posted today just for you about being overwhelmed. You really made me think. You are so talented and fantastic that I hurt knowing you feel like this. We all do. Don't think you're alone!
Jenn! "We may not have it all together...but together we have it all". and you most definantly have it all together. Here's another one for you..."I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it" Man I'm so cheesy with the comments today. You must be doing something right though if you're feeling the trials. At least that's what I try to convince myself too. Love you Jenn!
Ok, so I don't have any great advice at all, but I do want you to know I sure love you! I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, 'cause noone should have to feel so low. So, my cousin wrote a REALLY great post about this topic sort of a few weeks ago. If I were cool I'd know how to link it, but I'm not cool, so instead I'll just tell you. Go to my sidebar of people and find Wendy and Brian, click on it and scroll down until you find the entry "The Wand of Frustration". It's a really great entry and it might just give you something to work with. The thing is Jen, as long as you're putting forth an effort, which I know you are, then you're doing all you can. Do the BEST YOU can, and don't worry about what anyone else is accomplishing. Love you.
I know you think I have it all together. You've told me several times & it always makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't. I think that some of us are just better at faking it. :oP I feel the same way that you do so much of the time & I worry that I'm letting down my kids! I don't know how you do hold it all together and get as much done as you do... I only have 3 kids and honestly I don't think that I could handle just one more because of how much more work each one is. But it's all worth it right? I keep thinking about the talk from this last general conference where one of the general authorities talks about how fast time goes by (I think it was the prophet actually)... one day the piles of laundry will be gone and the messy fingerprints and the house will be quiet. Oh, how I long for that day. Peace and quiet... mmm. But I don't think that was his point, though. I think it was to not worry about those things so much now. Just try and enjoy the time you have with your kids now because pretty soon they will be gone. That's what's been on my mind lately & I don't know if it will help you out, but there you go. I love you & I think you are a wonderful mother. The house and things don't matter as much as your relationship with your kids and family, and I think you're doing a fantastic job with that. :)
My house is utter chaos EVERY SINGLE MORNING no matter what I try and the same thing happens at night. Oh...and after school. I don't know how people do it, but I do know I feel like I've tried everything and nothing's working. I'm going to trust in the fact that it will be OK, we'll make it through, and no one will kill each other (hopefully). I think you're AMAZING and I can barely do it with 3 kids and you have SIX! Don't beat yourself up (although I do that to myself regularly...I really am trying to stop that nasty habit). You're awesome. Love the mess. Love the kids. Love yourself. I love you! :)
Oh Jenn! No great "advice" here. Just the reminder to see what you ARE doing instead of what you are not. I started to make a list of those great things for you and it got so long that my post rivaled Sara's. Give yourself credit for the good. Let the rest go! Love every SECOND you have while those kids are all there--noise, laundry, lateness and all, because it will be gone and quiet before you know it. (I'm betting R&R will get old too.) You are loved, my friend and we're all cheering for you!!
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